Jump in my shoes 👢 : The dark night
This is with a lot of vulnerability and authenticity that I am writing this post today.
😀 Last week, I was speaking with an amazing woman, another holistic therapist. At one point during the conversation, she told me she would like people not to think that she is only the smiley, light, energetic person that they see and It really resonates with me, as some of you have been describing me that way too, and this is not who I entirely am or claim to be.
🥳 As a holistic healer, I have heard that being light is the norm and need, but I absolutely disagree. It does not reflect my work, It does not reflect myself, It does not reflect my soul, and It does not reflect my vision of the world.
So here I am today, vulnerable but the "hideous" ( for some of you maybe, not for me ) part of myself out .
After receiving a gorgeous energy healing on Thursday, I was feeling pretty amazing but knew where I needed to head, and It started scaring me.
🧘 On Friday morning, I went up in the hills and sat for 4 hours meditating, integrating the healing and trying to connect with my guides. My body started shaking, my hands were frozen, my mind was racing more than usual so I fought, I fought again. After a moment, I relaxed and let go, I surrendered. It was beautiful and peaceful.
🤢 After a few hours and a beautiful message, I decided to go back home. While walking back, my mind came back full speed : Is it really enough ? Are you sure you want to go back now ? God, you did not stay enough that's sure !
Rapidly, I felt exhausted, on the verge of crying, my body was sore, my mind was again bringing self- doubt and cloudy horizons on the table and I felt like I was going to throw up at anytime. I spent the entire afternoon in bed, depressed, crying, sleeping, not able to go out.
I have been in that state for 4 days with its up and down and am Ok with it.
One of my mentor told me a few years ago ( while I was pitying myself for being in a situation I hated ) that I was living this situation, so I could understand and overcome it, then help people to do the same.
Why am I telling you this ? Because too often holistic healers are judged when they are down, real down, because again they are helping other, so they should be at their best, they should know, they should be on top of things.
But this is not the way I see it, if holistic healers were not able to experience their own flaws and deal with them, how on earth would they be supposed to help others ? If they were not exposed to questions, doubts, how could they find these precious answers ? If they could not even show their weaknesses, how could they help others to allow theirs in an authentic and loving way ?
So no, holistic healers are not partying with unicorns all day along. Holistic healer are also doing their work with pain and difficulty, they are struggling like you and there is nothing wrong with it !
That said, I send you lots of love and go back to my life with a lighter heart and a contented soul <3